Dealing With Conflict
No matter how patient and understanding you become, you will experience conflict with others from time to time. God’s word teaches us that it is always best to deal with conflict through understanding and love:
But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace-loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.
Experts agree there are five methods for dealing with conflict as it arises:
1. Attack! Attacking is the least effective method and the most contrary to how God wants us to behave in this world. When we attack, we lash out aggressively at the conflict and the person.
Read and Learn More How Leaders Can Cultivate Patience in an Impatient World ?
Because emotions and adrenaline are high, it is very tempting to use this method when dealing with conflict. But keep in mind that the source of the conflict is Satan, who loves to stir up trouble.
When negative, hurtful emotions are present in a situation, Satan slithers in and makes it even worse. The good news is, that Satan doesn’t have any ammunition against gentleness, compassion, understanding, or love.
If we can learn to deal with conflict using these tools, his meddling will be obstructed, and God’s love can get to work.
2. Avoid. When you avoid conflict, you are running away from it. Your hope is not to resolve it, but for it to just go away altogether. While this approach is preferable to attacking, it doesn’t get to the root of the conflict.
Often, you don’t avoid it at all – you just move the conflict inside of you. You feel hurt and wronged, spend lots of time and negative emotions thinking about the conflict, and may even subconsciously look for ways to get even with the other person.
The final three methods for dealing with conflict are much more productive and preferable in God’s eyes. Also, they will bring you more peace of mind. Each has its useful place, depending on your relationship with the person.
3. Walk Away. While this method may appear similar to “avoid,” it is entirely different. When you walk away from a conflict, you are consciously deciding that it does not affect your goals, and it is not important enough to give attention. So you just let it go and forget about it.
When you develop the ability to walk away from a petty or inconsequential conflict, you develop a positive reputation for being even-minded and understanding. You are better able to manage your time and emotions and stay focused on your purpose in life.
4. Prevent. You may be able to anticipate the potential conflict and take action to prevent it before it even occurs. This strategy is different than “avoid” or “walk away” because you are proactive.
It is a preemptive resolution! When you prevent a potential conflict, you are better able to develop high-quality solutions and demonstrate excellent leadership qualities. Here are a few ideas to prevent conflict:
Don’t allow a minor argument to turn into a big one. To do this, you have to be able to step back, analyze your emotions, and make the commitment to find a solution to what is bothering you and the other person.
Analyze expectations in advance. Conflicts often develop when someone has unmet expectations. If communication with someone is getting rough, take a step back and try to determine what the other person expected that didn’t happen.
Recognize that the other person is looking at the world with different perceptions than you are. Everyone sees things a little differently based on their background, personality, and culture, and if this isn’t understood, then you may not be able to prevent conflict.
Recognize that mistakes happen. Sometimes, people just make unintended errors. Before blowing up, do a reality check and ask yourself if what is bothering you could be the result of a mistake.
If you made a mistake, apologize and work toward correcting it. If it is the error of the other party, identify it objectively and work toward correcting the mistake and preventing a conflict.
5. Resolve. Finally, if you can’t walk away from or prevent the conflict, you must take action to investigate the source, use problem-solving skills, and try to find a solution that works.
By taking the initiative to resolve conflicts when they arise, you reduce stress, create positive rather than negative energy, and improve your relationships. Here are a few ideas to assist in resolving conflict:
Commit to working it out. A positive impact will instantly result when you promise to find a resolution. It can turn a negative situation positive one immediately.
Ask Questions. Most of the time, the conflict occurred because of poor communication. As part of your goal to resolve the dispute, ask lots of questions, which will help to get to the root of the conflict and resolve it much more quickly.
Eliminate the E’s. Do not allow exaggerations, embellishments, or egos to get in the way of working toward a resolution.